Posted by
Peppermint2 on Monday, May 26, 2008 1:39:59 AM
Reprint from my old blog, Peppermints Place
Friday, January 26, 2007 1:56 AM
Interviewer: Joe Smith
Interviewee: Barack Obama
Brought to you by the average man on the
street series
Joe: Mr.
Obama, it’s a pleasure to meet you.
Obama: Likewise, Joe. I love talking to the
people, unlike
Mrs. Clinton, I am a natural at this. The people love me
when I speak.
Joe: That’s good to hear, sir. Now I
hope during this
conversation we can get into some meaty matters. I
found it difficult with Mrs. Clinton.
Obama: Oh, that won’t be a problem Joe. You
see I’ve
been where you’ve been, down among the masses,
speaking in crowds, people swarming over me, wanting
to touch me, talk to me. It’s
amazing really. I never
thought I would become such an
icon in so little time.
Joe: Yes, Mr. Obama. I see that is
happening. But,
today I would like to ask you some questions that
will help me make my decision for 2008.
Obama: By the way, Joe, did you see that
picture of
me in my swim suit walking in the water towards the
beach? Man hell of a picture! I didn’t think my
handlers could do such a good job of making me
look like the black John Kennedy, but youzza man,
that blew me away. I think like John Kennedy. I’m
thinking of that speech where he
said, “Ask not what
your country can do for you, but
ask what can I
do for my country”. Great speech. And, to think
I come from Illinois
where Jack won the election,
in the normal democratic way, stealing votes. Oh,
Joe, that was just a joke now. Don’t take that
seriously. I just like to add a dash of humor, helps
break the ice.
Joe: Well, Mr. Obama, how do you think
you are
so like John Kennedy? He was from a different era when
the democratic party was….
Obama: Oh, not so different. We still steal
votes. Ha!Ha!
Now remember Joe, just a joke. Ha! I so love
my jokes. Everything about me
seems to sparkle.
Joe: I would much prefer to talk about
your ideas
and plans if you become president.
Obama: I’m a thinking man, Joe. I think
long and
hard before I make a decision. I would never have
rushed into war like Bush. No, never fight a war if
you can’t win it.
Joe: But, Bush didn’t rush Mr. Obama,
he…..
Obama: Forget it Joe. It’s over and done
now. The
Democrats will not fight a war. We don’t believe in
it. It just wastes time and money. Money needs to be
spent on more important things,
such as setting up
more abortion clinics for those
women who have to
make a choice. We’re planning on some very nice
institutions that will provide after care beyond what
any private hospital could ever offer these poor
women.
Joe: Did I hear you correctly, more abortion
clinics
with government money?
Obama: Of course. Our government owes the
people
of this great nation everything we can give them. As
I was saying, after care will include several days of
recovery with a special dietitian
on hand who will
prepare special meals made
particularly to suit the’
needs of a grieving mother.
Joe: Wait a minute, Mr. Obama,
grieving mother?
Obama: Of course Joe, you don’t think these
women
are happy to give up their children do you? And
after the trauma, particularly of those partial birth abortions,
that I support by the way, no mother in
her right mind would be happy. So, we need a special
government program to help them during their
grieving processes. We need counselors, special
accommodations and after care.
Joe: Mr. Obama I’m not seeing how this
likens you
to John Kennedy actually, I thought…
Obama: Well, Joe, you see I took John
Kennedy’s
words and I have my own slogan. I say, “Ask not
what you can do for your country,
but what can I
get out of my country”.
That’s the real question we
need to ask ourselves. We are living in a different
age and we need to change policies to fit the times
in which we live, Joe. Get with the program, most
or a lot of people already understand this idea.
Joe: I would like to ask you about the
axis
of evil. Now to make myself clear since Mrs. Clinton
got confused, I’m talking about Iran,
North Korea,
Syria, those countries which are causing a
grave threat
to our national security.
Obama: Those countries just need a good
talking to
Joe. Nothing to sweat over. Once I get on the road, I
will whip things into shape, make a pact with all parties
involved, one in which we can all live with and abide by.
You see how well our conversation is going right now?
I’ll present them with options and opportunities that
will engender the greatest peace of our time.
Joe: What do you plan to offer?
Obama: Myself! Ha! Ha! Just
joking, Joe. You know
most of the women are just drooling over me, my good
looks, buff body, seeing me in those swim trunks…
Joe: EXCUSE me, Mr. Obama, could we get back
to what
you plan to offer these countries so they don’t nuke
us?
Obama: Joe, settle down now. Don’t get
so vehement
about it. You’d think the danger was imminent the way
you talk.
Joe: I do think the danger is imminent
Mr. Obama and
don’t tell me to settle down.
Obama: Joe, Joe, it’s all a matter of
diplomacy. You’ve
heard that word right? I know it’s been a long time since
you’ve seen anyone practice it. With Bush just rushing
off like a mad cowboy running roughshod over every
world leader telling them what to do, when to do it,
how to do it. Where was the d-i-p-l-o-m-a-c-y?
Joe: What about you attending a
madrassa Mr. Obama?
I hear from the Clinton
campaign that you were…
Obama: Don’t believe that silly Mrs.
Clinton. I just
don’t know how that woman thinks anyone will believe
what she says. She didn’t even know her own husband
was getting a head job in the oval office. What a schmuck!
I wonder how it will be for me in the Oval office? Hmm,
could be interesting. I’ll make sure I have better looking
interns though. Bill has no taste.
Joe: PLEASE, Mr. Obama, let’s get back to
the topic!
Obama: Yes, yes, that’s right. The
threat. Actually, Joe
I am not so sure there is a threat. I mean I see a small
sort of problem with some very primitive backwards
countries who don’t allow freedom to flourish.
Oh, I like the sound of that word, flourish. Don’t you
Joe? I think I need to use that more often. Let diplomacy
flourish. Forget about that let freedom ring bull.
Joe: Mr. Obama I need to know the
answer to what I
consider the most pressing issue of my lifetime. The
radical Islamic threat and the danger we are in from the..
Obama: Really, Joe, are you a bigot?
Radical Islamic
threat? Are you not a man of religion yourself?
Joe: Yes, yes, I’m a Christian and I’m
afraid I’m going
to die by the sword…
Obama: That’s so funny. Die by the
sword. Just where
are you getting that, Joe? What have you been reading?
Those right wing radicals have polluted your mind to
the point you are believing the lies. You’ve become a
fearful and pitiful caricature of a man, Joe. Stand tall,
walk straight, strut just like me. If you walk like you
got the cojones, then you got em. Got that Joe?
Joe: Yeah, I got it, but….
Obama: Good, Joe. My handlers are
telling me that’s
all the time I’ve got for now. They have a couple of
cuties waiting to see me. Catch ya later, Joe. Don’t
worry my friend, things are changing. I’ll be re-arranging
the scope of the nation and bringing the good times back.
Hollywood is promoting me and I’ll be seen across the world
as the new peacemaker. You’ve got nothing to worry
about. Trust me.